Title: Again
Chapter: 16
Rating: R
Warnings: Sensuality, language

            The bedroom was dark when Balthier slipped into it – by all means, Ellie should have been asleep hours ago. However, though she was in bed, she kicked and turned restlessly. He let fall the magic concealing him from view, and sat at the edge of her bed.

            Tucked beneath one arm was the model of the Strahl. He knew it could not be comfortable to sleep with, but it pleased him that she liked it. Of course, no mass-produced models of the ship existed – he’d had to commission one for her. He’d been pleased with the result – it was a good likeness, a fine replication of the airship he loved so – and that it seemed his daughter loved, as well.

            He brushed her tangled hair away from her face, and she blinked sleepily, sitting up slowly.

            “Papa,” she said, throwing her arms around his neck. “You came!”

            “I told you I would,” he responded, perhaps a little gruffly, closing his arms around her. He had not expected her to call him by anything other than his name; that she called him papa both touched and confused him. He did not understand how a simple word could warm his heart.

            “Mama is dancing,” she complained. “Even though it’s my birthday.”

            “I’m sure your mama really wanted to be with you today,” he said. “I’m sure she was very sad that she had something else she had to do instead. Your mama loves you very much.”

            Ellie nodded. “Do you love me very much, too, Papa?”

            Balthier hesitated – should he tell the girl a kind lie? Pretend an emotion he’d never felt? At least he was fond of the child – that would have to be enough. “Ellie,” he said, “this may be difficult for you to understand…but I was not raised like you, with a mama like yours. I was never loved, and so I never learned how to love anyone in return. But I…I care for you very much.”

            “That’s stupid,” she said bluntly. “You have to love me; you’re my papa.” And she tightened her arms around his neck, laying her head on his shoulder.

            And he couldn’t bring himself to argue with her, not when she was curled in his lap so sweetly. So he stroked her back and kissed the top of her head, feeling her settle in, curling her little fingers into the crisp white fabric of his shirt.

            She patted his cheek with one hand. “Don’t worry, Papa. It isn’t hard to love someone. Sometimes you don’t even want to and it just happens like an accident.”

            Surprised, he said, “Really?”

            “Mm-hmm.” She nodded, and the top of her head bumped his chin. “I didn’t even like you when you came with Vaan to play with me. But you played with me when nobody else would. Not even Mama.” She let out a long sigh. “And you tried really hard even though you’re still not very good at playing pretend. So you had to love me, because why else would you play with me?” She didn’t give him a chance to respond to her assertion, but kept right on talking. “And even though I didn’t even want to like you, my heart was happy when you came to see me. Because you’re my papa, and I love you.”

            “Ellie, I –” He groaned at the sound of Penelo’s hushed voice in the next room. “That’s your mama,” he said.

            Ellie nodded. “I guess you have to go.” She scrambled off his lap, diving beneath the covers.

            “Just for a little while,” he said. “I’ll come visit you again, if you like.”

            “Okay,” she said. “Hurry or Mama will be mad.”

            Balthier cast Vanish upon himself just in time – just seconds after the last glow of the magic disappeared, Penelo stepped through the door. She looked more than a little bedraggled – somewhere along the way she’d lost her shoes, and her wrinkled dress had obviously seen better days. One sleeve had slipped off her shoulder and there were several small tears along the full skirt. And, strangely enough, somehow she’d gotten rose petals in her hair – had she fallen onto a rose bush?

            Unceremoniously, she dropped onto Ellie’s bed and crawled up towards the pillow where Ellie was feigning sleep.

            “Ellie,” she whispered. “How are you?”

            Ellie opened one eye. “Still mad.” She whispered back. “You hurt my feelings, Mama.”

           “I know,” Penelo replied. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.” She eased closer, sliding one arm beneath Ellie’s pillow. “Will you forgive me?” She touched her forehead to Ellie’s and fished one of Ellie’s hands from beneath the blankets to kiss her palm.

            “Maybe tomorrow,” Ellie said. “Will we go on a picnic?”

            “If you want to,” Penelo said. “It’ll be your birthday party, after all.”

            “No fancy dresses?”

            “Absolutely not,” Penelo replied.

            “No meetings?”

            “I’ve got a clear schedule. So does Larsa. Tomorrow we’re all yours, sweetheart,” Penelo said.

            “Okay.” Elle linked her fingers with Penelo’s, snuggling deeper into the covers with a loud yawn. “I love you, Mama.”

            “I love you, too, darling.” Penelo closed her eyes, and for a moment Balthier simply observed them, curled together so serenely. How easy it seemed to be for them to be so affectionate and loving! It was strange, seeing Penelo’s delicate features mirrored in the face of their daughter – and the sight of them together like that made him wish he had a place in their happy little group.

            But, no. That place belonged to Larsa, now.

            In a few minutes, Ellie was fast asleep. Penelo gently detangled herself from her daughter’s grip, rising carefully from the bed so as not to wake the child. She bent down to brush a kiss against Ellie’s cheek, murmuring a soft “good night”.

            Balthier left Ellie’s bedroom ahead of Penelo and watched as she dismissed the nursemaid for the night, then entered her own adjoining bedroom. He slipped into her bedroom just before the door closed, wanting a few moments with her when they could be truly alone. Though perhaps she did not want him around Ellie, he had a right to his own child – especially if she wished to see him, in return. He did not want to betray Ellie’s trust in him by abandoning her. Surely, they could work out some sort of arrangement – Penelo need never see him if she didn’t wish it. After all, he’d managed to avoid detection for weeks already.

            He prepared to cast off his invisibility – but Penelo, unaware of her audience, reached behind her to catch the zipper holding up her gown, drawing it slowly down to the small of her back. Balthier watched, captivated, as the fabric parted, revealing the smooth, bare flesh beneath it, and all thoughts of Ellie and revealing his presence to Penelo slipped from his mind.

            Though she could have managed easier had she had some assistance, Penelo did not particularly like being dressed and undressed by servants as though she were a doll to play with. To the chagrin of her chambermaids, she insisted on being left alone to dress unless they’d been specifically summoned – some things were best done in private. She shoved the heavy gown over her hips, wriggling a little to free herself of the clinging fabric.

            Balthier stifled a groan as she stepped out of the pool of fabric, in just a lacy pair of panties and a corset. He didn’t know why she wore one – her breasts were perfect without it, her waist already small. How did one improve on perfection?

            Quite suddenly he realized his train of thought – of course, Penelo was not perfect. He had seen more beautiful, more shapely women. There were plenty who were more sophisticated, more cultured, more educated, more worldly, more everything. But he didn’t want them.

            He wanted Penelo.

            She wasn’t Larsa’s perfect complement; she was his.

            The woman who’d known all his faults and loved him despite them, the woman who’d carried his child beneath her heart for nine months, and had raised her beautifully. The woman who had never attempted to tie him down because she had known how important his freedom was to him. The woman he had never stopped wanting, despite the years and the circumstances that separated them.

            Perhaps Ellie had been correct – perhaps he’d been ‘accidentally’ falling in love with Penelo all the while, and had just never known it.

            And in a few days, she would be marrying another man – because he had never given her a reason not to.

            Unconsciously, he found himself reaching for her. She had just loosened the ribbons of the corset and was slipping the garment off as his fingers closed over her shoulder. Instantly she turned, flinging out her palm as she cast Dispel. He felt the magical barrier being ripped away, watched her eyes widen even as his other arm slipped about her waist. Surprise made her slow to react – it wasn’t until he was bending to kiss her that she even managed to speak.

            “Balthier? What are you –”

            His lips stifled the rest of her query – though he was fairly certain he knew what she was asking. Perhaps, after the way he’d lost his temper with her earlier, she had not expected to see him again. But she wasn’t pushing him away as she’d done earlier in the evening – no, her hands, which had been clenched into fists, slowly relaxed and settled on his shoulders. She came easily to him as he urged her closer, her soft, bare breasts crushed against the fabric of his shirt. He kept one arm firmly about her waist – should she attempt to flee – and with his free hand he plucked pins and petals from her hair until the whole mass came tumbling down her shoulders in an unruly wave of curls. He imagined that what it had taken only seconds for him to destroy had likely taken hours to curl and pin up.

            Carefully he lifted her into his arms, slipping one arm beneath her knees to support her, tracing the shell of her ear with his tongue when he had to break the kiss to do so. Her eyes were closed, lost in a haze of sensual bliss. Even when he laid her gently on a nearby sofa and followed her down, covering her body with his own, she made a place for him and wrapped her arms around his neck as he laid a trail of tender kisses down her collarbone.

            “Penelo,” he murmured huskily, slipping his fingers beneath her lacy panties in a subtle attempt to ease them off of her, “don’t marry him.”

            Penelo froze, her eyes opening in shock. “Wh-what?”

            Balthier grimaced, realizing he’d broken the sensual spell he’d woven over her – but he plunged ahead anyway. It was too late to go back. “Don’t marry Larsa,” he said.

            As if only just realizing the predicament into which she’d gotten herself, Penelo shoved at his shoulders. “Off! Get off!” Pinned beneath him, she could only wriggle futilely.

            “Penelo…” He grabbed her flailing wrists. “Perhaps I spoke poorly just now, but listen for a moment. Don’t marry Larsa – you don’t love him.”

            She glared hatefully up at him. “There are other reasons to marry besides love.”

            “Not for you,” he retorted. “If you love me still, do not marry Larsa. Why are you so eager to go to one man when you love another?”

            “Why not? Shall I spend my life hoping for the impossible? I can be content with Larsa. If I don’t love him, so much the better. He can’t hurt me.” She tried to get leverage with her feet, but he swiftly pinned her legs with one of his own.

            Desperation and frustration forced him to speak. “Perhaps I love you.”

            She went very still for a moment – then she erupted in a flurry of movement, kicking with a fury that surprised him. Worried she might hurt herself – or him – he released her, and she darted across the room, snatching up a robe and throwing it on, belting it about her waist.

            “How could you be so cruel?” She whispered finally, subdued. Her back was to him, her shoulders slumped, her head bowed.

            Startled by her unanticipated onset of melancholy, he approached hesitantly. Shouldn’t she be happy? He reached for her “Penelo…”

            “Get out.” A shuddering sob escaped her. “Get out and never, ever come back.”

            Somehow, it had all gone wrong. Aware that he would have to tread carefully, he touched her silky hair gently. “Please, tell me how I have offended you.”

            She whirled, infuriated. Her cheeks were flushed with angry color, her lips trembled with her rage. “Do you think I can be bought with empty words? Do you think I value myself so cheaply? You don’t know the first thing about love, Balthier, so don’t think you can sway me with your pretty speeches. Get out.”

            She didn’t believe him! Perversely angered that after he had finally admitted to such a loathsome emotion she had chosen not to accept it, he caught her arm when she would have turned away. “What about Ellie?”

            From the mutinous tilt of her chin, he guessed she had anticipated such a question. “What about her? In a few days she will be Larsa’s daughter. She’s no longer your concern.”

            “She’s my daughter; of course she is my concern!”

            She waved dismissively, effortlessly imitating Larsa’s regal air. “Consider yourself absolved of all paternal responsibilities,” she said. “Now leave immediately.”

            “No, I –”

            “Get out, or I will immobilize you, summon the guards, and let Larsa decide in which prison to confine you for the remainder of your days,” she hissed.

            There was a brief contest of the wills while he attempted to determine whether or not she would actually go through with her threat. When she began to murmur the incantation, he decided she would and released her to stalk furiously towards the door, cursing eloquently.

            “Don’t come back,” she ordered. “Not for Ellie, not for me, not even to irritate Larsa. Never.”

            He slammed the door on his way, and instantly regretted it – a moment later Ellie’s door opened and her little blonde head poked through the door.

            “Papa?”

            He grimaced, crossing the toy-strewn nursery to where she stood in her doorway. “I fear this is goodbye for now, Ellie,” he said softly. “Just for a little while. Not forever.”

            “Did Mama get very mad at you?” She asked.

            “Very mad,” he confirmed. “Not to worry – the leading man always comes out the winner in the end. Go back to sleep, now.”

            Mollified, she turned and went back into her bedroom. Balthier slipped out of the nursery, making haste out of the palace. He had no idea what he was going to do – but he did know he had very little time left in which to do it.

            ---

            Though it ought to have been a joyous occasion, Penelo was strangely quiet during their early-afternoon picnic. While Ellie happily chattered and chased after the little striped kitten Larsa had given her, Larsa was worried that perhaps something had occurred between Penelo and Balthier that she had failed to disclose to him. Though he did not worry about her faithfulness to him – Penelo had made a promise to him, and he had no doubt that she would keep it – he did not like to see her brooding so. He wanted there to be truth between them – he knew she did not yet love him, but she hoped that eventually she would learn to love him at least a little.

            “Do you still love him?” he asked quietly, while Ellie happily bounded over the grass, out of earshot.

            Penelo slanted him a regretful look. “Don’t ask me that, Larsa, please.”

            “I’m not angry. I simply want to know if there is a chance for us to live happily together. Perhaps I’m a little jealous,” he said, his lips twisting wryly.

            She hesitated. “Of course I love him. I think no matter what, there is a part of me that will always love him. But…I think I can love you, too.”

            She did not have to say it, but he knew – he would always come second to Balthier. He sighed.

            “Balthier came to my room last night,” she said softly. She averted her eyes guiltily – and Larsa knew something had indeed transpired between them. “I didn’t…I didn’t sleep with him, but…”

            But she had probably wanted to. As much as he wanted to be angry, he couldn’t bring himself to it – it seemed Penelo felt guilty enough for whatever had occurred between her and Balthier already. And if she was sharing it with him, it surely couldn’t be bad news.

            She drew her knees up, locking her arms around them and resting her chin atop them. “I told him never to come back.” Her voice trembled a little. “I told him if he didn’t leave, I’d call the guards and have him tossed in prison.”

            For Penelo to have said something like that – especially to Balthier – he must have done something very bad…or very stupid, knowing Balthier.

            “What did he do that so displeased you?” Larsa eased closer, settling an arm over her slender shoulders, drawing her against him. She leaned into his embrace, ducking her head.

            “He said he loved me.”

            He could hear the spite in her voice, see the lingering anger and hurt in her eyes. The significance of her words sunk in. “Balthier said…?”

            A curt nod. “That stupid, stupid, stupid man.” Her face turned against his shoulder, drying her tears on his sleeve. “How could he think I’d believe something like that?” She managed a shaky laugh, pushing away from him gently. “I’m okay,” she said. “It just…really hurt me, that’s all.” She gave him a half-hearted smile. “You probably think it’s silly to cry over something like that.”

            He didn’t. And he couldn’t bring himself to tell her that he didn’t think Balthier had been lying – after all, Penelo was his fiancée. What right did Balthier have to go confessing love to her, after all?

            “Uncle Larsa!” Ellie sauntered up, clutching her striped kitten to her chest. “Thank you for my kitten. I’m going to call her Princess.”

            “You’re quite welcome,” he said, patting the blanket beside him. “Come, sit and have some lunch. Are you enjoying yourself?”

            “Oh, yes.” She tore a few bits of cluckatrice into fine shreds and piled it before the kitten, who tucked into its meal greedily. “But, I wanted to ask you something.”

            “Oh?”

            “Is it okay if I still call you Uncle Larsa instead of Papa? I already have a Papa, my real papa, and…I think it makes him sad when I call you Papa instead of him.” She picked at some imaginary lint on the blanket, awaiting his response.

            “Your real papa? You mean…?” He slanted Penelo an inquisitive look, and she gave a brief nod.

            So. It seemed Penelo wasn’t the only one Balthier had been visiting. He took a deep breath.

            “Of course, you may certainly call me whatever you wish,” he said. “You’ll still be my little girl.” Somehow, Balthier had won over even his daughter who initially had not liked him at all. Larsa wondered how Balthier, so uninterested in children, had managed to work his way into Ellie’s affections – for a while she’d been quite vocal in her dislike of the man.

            “My Papa said he made Mama mad and that he’d have to go away for a while,” Ellie said. “But he’ll be back. He said so. Mama, when you’re not mad at Papa anymore, can I go for a ride on his airship? He said he’d take me if you said it was okay.”

            Penelo shook her head. “I don’t think it’s a good idea, sweetheart,” she said. “Your real papa…he’s not…well, it’s just that I don’t think it would be very good for you to spend too much time with him. I don’t think he knows anything about being a father.” And really…she didn’t want to set Ellie up for the kind of disappointment and hurt that she had suffered.

            “But he can learn, Mama.” Ellie laid down on the blanket, dropping her head in Penelo’s lap.

            “I don’t think –”

            “He can! Remember when I was trying to learn my letters, and you said all I had to do was practice? My papa just needs practice, Mama. He never had a little girl before so he still needs to learn how to be a good papa. Didn’t you have to learn how to be a good mama?” Ellie looked up at Penelo appealingly, and Penelo grimaced, finding herself ruthlessly backed into a corner by her own precocious five-year-old.

            “Well, you see…”

            “We have to help him, though. He said he didn’t have a mama like you when he was little and that nobody ever loved him before. But I love him – and you do, too, don’t you, Mama?” Without waiting for a response, Ellie twisted around and climbed fully into Penelo’s lap. “Everyone should have a mama like you,” she said. “And my papa needs someone to love him, so you can’t make him stay away forever, Mama. You just can’t.”

            Penelo’s heart wrenched in her chest, and she damned Balthier again – not content to cut her heart out of her chest, he’d had to go and steal Ellie’s as well.